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William Shakespeare

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Posts : 203
Join date : 2014-08-26
Location : Stratford-upon-Avon, Warwickshire, England

PostSubject: Creative HOH Challenge   Sat Sep 06, 2014 4:00 pm

Many of you know William Shakespeare as the genius playwright and poet, but this is the true story…

William Shakespeare was actually a feral hamster hunter from the early twenty –first century. Not many people alive today are even aware of what a feral hamster is, since their very existence has been such a long guarded and well-kept secret by a coalition of government agencies which have agreed that silence is the only proper course of action for such a potentially chaos-inducing conspiracy.

Over the course of several decades, spanning from the early 1950’s to the late 1980’s, domesticated hamsters were a very popular household pet for those families too self-important to raise a real animal like a dog or cat yet too complacent to forbid a child from having some sort of creature to care for. The overabundance of hamsters became a problem that no one seemed to want to acknowledge.

When the Great Midwest Silver Rush occurred in the 70’s, many small residential areas in states like Illinois enjoyed a brief period of prosperity due to the influx of people. Predictably, when the silver mines were sapped, the resulting evacuation of populations left many places with ghost towns. It is not known why, but many of the last families to leave chose to return hamsters to the wild, even though they were not wild animals at that time.

When the Quad Cities Nuclear Generating Station in Cordova Township went Chernobyl, the surrounding landscape including all wildlife, was greatly transformed. Mutant, feral hamsters began to be seen by thrill-seeking campers who settled too close to the quarantine zone. Here is an artist’s rendering of what these hamsters are thought to look like:

http://composingcait.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/rous.jpg?w=300&h=160

Before long, feral hamster hunting became a sport. Only the most skilled hunters dare try to slaughter such ferocious game. Many good men were lost in the dense radioactive jungles of post-fallout Illinois. Over time, there grew word of a notorious and seldom-seen feral hamster hunter named William Shakespeare. He became common table-talk for the pubs and watering holes of surrounding states. It was said that he hunted with only a pocket knife and a boomerang with sharpened sides.

One legendary day, Shakespeare showed up in a small town with a necklace of hamster pelts around his neck. He began to trade with the locals for food supplies and gin. Whenever he was spotted he would always be carrying a small satchel full of jerky. There is only one kind of animal that jerky could have been made from.

Where there are heroes, there are always villains. One day, a man named Cole Notes moved into the area. He claimed to be the rightful owner of all the land and therefore the hamsters which resided there. He aimed to set up a hamster-meat canning factory in order to profit from the abundance of these creatures. He considered Shakespeare to be a wild savage with no connection to the modern ways of man and an enemy of progress.
William and Cole had many run ins. Machines in the hamster-meat plant would mysteriously get sabotaged. Night shift workers at the plant would suddenly go missing without a trace. No one could provide any evidence, but Cole was convinced of who the culprit was. He hired some vigilantes named Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to track down the savage and eliminate him. What occurred next was a series of cat-and-mouse, trench-warfare type battles in which Shakespeare was almost capture twice, but always narrowly escaped. He lost an elbow in one of these famous battles.

Eventually Shakespeare sightings became less and less frequent. Every few months or so, someone would claim to see a one-elbowed, disfigured cowboy on horseback riding off into the distance. But eventually the sightings stopped and no one saw Shakespeare anymore. No one knows for sure where he ended up. Some say he became the always-tipsy second-mate on a fishing boat. Others say he want searching for a new, challenging kind of prey; perhaps even man!
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